What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
