it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
