help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
