We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
