My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
