I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize