My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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