i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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