i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
