I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
