so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The beer is more important than you right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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