yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
