If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
