I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
