tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize