That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
