I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
