moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My feet surprised me
Randomize
