You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
