Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
