Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
