i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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