based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
