It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
