I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
