Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
