Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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