I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
