cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize