You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize