Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
