how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
