i would punch a child for taco bell
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
