im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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