I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize