WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
