My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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