some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
