Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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