Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
