just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
