i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
