She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
