I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
