Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
