East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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