I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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