Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
