i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize