ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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