I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
