i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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