you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
