I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
