he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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