he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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