Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
