My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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