The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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