I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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