Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
