You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
