I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize