Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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