it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
