the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
