I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
