Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
