My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
