I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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